off days!, by, Dr. Ogi Ressel

Sunday, April 5th 2009

Warm hellos to all,

Ok......you've taken all these amazing and wonderful seminars, courses,
lectures, heard incredible speakers, been in the presence of powerful
people, could almost reach and taste the success they spoke of - and
all of these venues, without exception, told you how you should feel.
Although the language and anecdotes were a bit different in every case
and lecture and speaker - the message was the same. Yes, you have
been taught that in order to succeed you need to think positively all the time.
....and so you do.

You maintain that facade of positive energy even when you don't feel
much like smiling. Why? Because you have learned that it is "bad" to
feel any other way. ....and you feel guilty if a negative emotion crosses
your path. So....you've had this wonderfully positive day at the office
and now come home in your real mood and unload on the family.
Have I missed anything?

We have all been taught to plan our lives in order to succeed - to
make it, to get to our goal, to get that golden goose, to go for that
cookie - and you have to do it with a very positive framework.
And you work very hard at planning this.
Awesome!

But - and there is always one of these - your plan also needs to have
flexibility for unexpected occurrences - like days when you are just not
"up". ( I know that I speak of heresy here, but listen up...).

All of us, without exception (including the speakers you've heard and admire),
have days when we feel lazy, uninspired, and just blaaah. I know,
I know....you don't want to hear this, but it is important. Your plan
needs to make allowances for such days.

As a matter of fact, you should outright plan for these "down" days.
Include them in your plan and then relax into it. It's Ok.
It's alright for you to feel this way occasionally. It's normal. So...plan
for these days. Plan to have a "grumpy" or "crappy" day once a month,
or more often if you feel necessary, depending on what is happening
in your life. ....And feel Ok about it.

Give yourself permission to feel shitty once in awhile. It's Ok.

When you do this, the emotion will pass through you and will not linger.
If you resist, the feeling will intensify, gain power, and will be accompanied
by guilt - "I'm not supposed to feel this way." So you take on a charade -
and when you get home, you unleash your true feelings on your family - not Ok.

Give yourself a limit of 1-3 days/month where you give yourself permission
to feel off. And chart them. If these "off" days are increasing, it is a signal
that something in your life needs attention - you may need to set boundaries.
Otherwise, lighten up and enjoy your crappy day - you've earned it!

Warmest wishes,
Dr. Ogi Ressel